Hey Friendly Folks,
If you’re not already you should be following this SUPER HIP new blog.
JK it’s not super nor is it hip.
But it’s Meriel & myself being goofballs so follow it.
Yep, you’re seein’ it. NBD. =)
David Arquette is a great man
Fitness Tips with Meriel!
Meriel & I finally made a conjoined blog. It’s basically everything you don’t want to know about us and then some. You’re very own porthole into the vicious, obnoxious & confusing world of Lauren & Meriel. You’re welcome.
Brush your hair Kristen Stewart you’re at the goddamn Oscars.
what ABOUT love?
Dont worry about the cat face.
It’s nearing closer and the single girls are chirping their proud-to-be-single aint-no-man-gonna-tie-me-down anthem more loudly than ever, when in all reality the ones who rant the most about their womanly independence are the ones who are the most insecure. I want you to think for just a moment. Think of a girl you know who just goes on and on about how she “doesn’t need a man.” She will constantly remind you that her being single is a decision and that she’s completely content with it. Yet, she’s trying to become anything but single. You can’t take the bitch anywhere. If she doesn’t find a guy to flirt with/cyber stalk/convince herself they’re dating within the first half hour then don’t panic. You can find her across the room dry humping the fucking bar itself. She might even describe herself as a nympho. I’m sure she’s dropped the ever popular “I should’ve been born a guy” line because she “doesn’t get attached,” even though she ends up being the neediest friend out of all your friends whenever she goes through a 2 date breakup. (caution: if you can’t think of anyone who matches this description then it’s probably yourself) All that being said, I plan to celebrate valentines day the right way. Not watching horrible movies with terrible plot lines like the notebook, and not throwing anti-valentines day parties. No. I will spend my valentines day with someone who I can actually tolerate. It’s not my cat. It’s not Ben & Jerry’s. Stop with the assumptions please. My roommate and I have magnificent semi-romantic plans. No homo.
I walked into work today and began my shift as I always do, by checking the reservations for the evening. Imagine my surprise when I see we only have 4 tables on the books for tonight. My immediate reaction was: why the FUCK am I here? I made my displeasure abundantly known when my assistant manager who had neglected to call me off for the night showed face. In addition to this she decides that now is a good time to try and strike up some girl talk with me. Like as if we’re still friends. We’re not. (Not just because of this one incident; I’m not that catty. We had our falling out long ago) I gulped through clenched teeth and forced a half-assed smile while my eyes clearly read, “you disgust me.” I wish this girl were the type I could honestly express my true emotions toward, but she’s also one of the biggest gossips I know. So naturally I went into the coat room and scribbled ridiculous, angry drawings of the conversation we shared moments prior. It actually helped release a lot of anger. Who’d of known.
My faggy bartender/”mixologist” at work tried to call me out on dropping his name to get into events for free. What he was REFERRING to was the Northstar Bartender’s Guild event that had happened almost a year ago that he promised he would get me into because he said he’d be working it. I shouldn’t have been surprised when his alcoholic moronic ass decided not to show up, but I knew the guy at the door anyway. However, I dare not talk back to this sorry excuse for a man, because he’s so far up his own ass - he doesn’t realize that no one ACTUALLY gives a fuck about him. I was so caught off guard by this statement all I could do was roll my eyes like the 23 yr. old I am and walk away. I will never drop this giant muppet’s name, what I would LIKE to do is dropKICK him in the fucking throat. What a self righteous asshole.
I really should have seen the signs. There were lots of red flags. Finding out my future husband wouldn’t even consider me solely based on my gender is really bumming me out. And I’m trying reeaalllly hard NOT to be one of those girls who think they can make a gay man “change their ways” because I seriously hate those types of people. I make fun of those types of people. I’ve bitched them out on several different occasions. But jesus fucking christ come on. LOOK AT HIM. I’d be insane not to harbor some unrealistic fantasy about him switching teams to be with me. Not to mention he seems like the type of guy who falls in love with someones soul. And I think we just might be soul-mates. I’ll just have to keep living in my pretend world where Ezra’s straight and he’s constantly between my legs. You’ve got a great guy playing on your team, LGBT. Don’t take him for granted.