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i'm lauren mceiver!!

I Hate My English Teacher

Tomorrow I have a first draft of a movie review due, but sitting here watching the third consecutive hour roll by with nothing but a blank word document is turning my heart cold with bitterness toward my professor.

First of all, this dude sucks at grading. I could shit on a piece of paper, smear it around and turn it in and he’d hand it back with an A+ scribbled across the front. He simply will not critique work. How the fuck else are we supposed to learn? It’s like the most disrespectful way to show you don’t actually give a fuck about your students.

Also, he spends entire class periods showing us papers and examples that HE has written, so we can applaud him and give him a pat on the back and tell him how gifted HE is. This last class period though, he did something amazing and unexpected: He shut the fuck up and allowed us to spend the entire class time writing. Now, like most people, I can’t just start fucking writing like OKAY HERE I GO, WRITING NOW. No. That’s not how that works, and if you can do that then I bow down to you, but that’s not how I function. Especially when I’m used to spending that whole class period listening to that narcissistic dick monger talk about himself, no. I was not prepared for this.

Okay, so I can tell he’s a little afraid of me, because he goes around constantly checking on other students, but he always avoids me. Yesterday during our writing time, I blatantly spent the hour reading scary stories on thought catalog because, fuck whatever. So he comes up to me; timid with embarrassingly forced confidence and asks how my writing is coming along. I tell him that I can’t just start writing. I can’t just sit here in a room full of people and get in the zone and write, I just can’t. I wasn’t trying to be difficult or call for attention by acting like some seasoned writer who already knows their niche, but I was being honest and I sounded clearly annoyed with his presence. He asked me how much I could get done that day and I told him I couldn’t promise anything. I could feel him still standing behind me all awkward as fuck still, so I told him I’d do what I could but I couldn’t give him a number of words. Finally he walked away. I then immediately signed in on the attendance sheet, packed my shit up and left.

So, now I’m still sitting here with a blank word document with nothing to turn in. At least I wrote something though.

I hate that guy…

A very late Halloween party #pennywise #psychoclown

A very late Halloween party #pennywise #psychoclown

the girls in 101

Hey Friendly Folks,

If you’re not already you should be following this SUPER HIP new blog.

JK it’s not super nor is it hip.

But it’s Meriel & myself being goofballs so follow it. 

>=( <——————(meanzbidness)

Casual beers #bryantlakebowl #liftbridge

Casual beers #bryantlakebowl #liftbridge

Click. Follow. Enjoy.

Meriel & I finally made a conjoined blog. It’s basically everything you don’t want to know about us and then some. You’re very own porthole into the vicious, obnoxious & confusing world of Lauren & Meriel. You’re welcome.

we&#8217;ve all had those days

we’ve all had those days

Brush your hair Kristen Stewart you’re at the goddamn Oscars.

what ABOUT love?

Dont worry about the cat face.

valentines day

It’s nearing closer and the single girls are chirping their proud-to-be-single aint-no-man-gonna-tie-me-down anthem more loudly than ever, when in all reality the ones who rant the most about their womanly independence are the ones who are the most insecure. I want you to think for just a moment. Think of a girl you know who just goes on and on about how she “doesn’t need a man.” She will constantly remind you that her being single is a decision and that she’s completely content with it. Yet, she’s trying to become anything but single. You can’t take the bitch anywhere. If she doesn’t find a guy to flirt with/cyber stalk/convince herself they’re dating within the first half hour then don’t panic. You can find her across the room dry humping the fucking bar itself. She might even describe herself as a nympho. I’m sure she’s dropped the ever popular “I should’ve been born a guy” line because she “doesn’t get attached,” even though she ends up being the neediest friend out of all your friends whenever she goes through a 2 date breakup. (caution: if you can’t think of anyone who matches this description then it’s probably yourself) All that being said, I plan to celebrate valentines day the right way. Not watching horrible movies with terrible plot lines like the notebook, and not throwing anti-valentines day parties. No. I will spend my valentines day with someone who I can actually tolerate. It’s not my cat. It’s not Ben & Jerry’s. Stop with the assumptions please. My roommate and I have magnificent semi-romantic plans. No homo.

I can&#8217;t wait to get to class on Thursday and everyone will be trying to sneak peaks at my hands.

I can’t wait to get to class on Thursday and everyone will be trying to sneak peaks at my hands.

I walked into work today and began my shift as I always do, by checking the reservations for the evening. Imagine my surprise when I see we only have 4 tables on the books for tonight. My immediate reaction was: why the FUCK am I here? I made my displeasure abundantly known when my assistant manager who had neglected to call me off for the night showed face. In addition to this she decides that now is a good time to try and strike up some girl talk with me. Like as if we&#8217;re still friends. We&#8217;re not. (Not just because of this one incident; I&#8217;m not that catty. We had our falling out long ago) I gulped through clenched teeth and forced a half-assed smile while my eyes clearly read, &#8220;you disgust me.&#8221; I wish this girl were the type I could honestly express my true emotions toward, but she&#8217;s also one of the biggest gossips I know. So naturally I went into the coat room and scribbled ridiculous, angry drawings of the conversation we shared moments prior. It actually helped release a lot of anger. Who&#8217;d of known.

I walked into work today and began my shift as I always do, by checking the reservations for the evening. Imagine my surprise when I see we only have 4 tables on the books for tonight. My immediate reaction was: why the FUCK am I here? I made my displeasure abundantly known when my assistant manager who had neglected to call me off for the night showed face. In addition to this she decides that now is a good time to try and strike up some girl talk with me. Like as if we’re still friends. We’re not. (Not just because of this one incident; I’m not that catty. We had our falling out long ago) I gulped through clenched teeth and forced a half-assed smile while my eyes clearly read, “you disgust me.” I wish this girl were the type I could honestly express my true emotions toward, but she’s also one of the biggest gossips I know. So naturally I went into the coat room and scribbled ridiculous, angry drawings of the conversation we shared moments prior. It actually helped release a lot of anger. Who’d of known.

is it possible to un-drop someone’s name?

My faggy bartender/”mixologist” at work tried to call me out on dropping his name to get into events for free. What he was REFERRING to was the Northstar Bartender’s Guild event that had happened almost a year ago that he promised he would get me into because he said he’d be working it. I shouldn’t have been surprised when his alcoholic moronic ass decided not to show up, but I knew the guy at the door anyway. However, I dare not talk back to this sorry excuse for a man, because he’s so far up his own ass - he doesn’t realize that no one ACTUALLY gives a fuck about him. I was so caught off guard by this statement all I could do was roll my eyes like the 23 yr. old I am and walk away. I will never drop this giant muppet’s name, what I would LIKE to do is dropKICK him in the fucking throat. What a self righteous asshole.